Depressed....

Is hard to make people believe me,
and is hard to make me believe someone.
What can ensure he is really treating you good?
What can ensure he is not foolishing you?
What can make him believe you've already try your best?
What can make him know you are serious?
Nothing, it seems only exchange your life with him,
is the only way to make him believe he is so important for you.
I am not talking about someone who really did it.
I just feel so sad that no one treasure my good.
No one appreciate for what I have done.
I don't need a compliment,
I just need you understand I really try my best to treasure you.
Please don't doubt me anymore.
I can see that you mistrust me via your eyes and voice.

Hate Raining Day

Uneasy day for me to go shopping.
Woke up at 07:45am.
Ready to go to the hospital to get my body check report.
Everythings fine. No dangerous signal from my body.
Thanks God.

Want to go shopping, but holy shit.
The sky turned black at 10:40am.
Red Cloud signal!!!
Looked at the sky, thick cloud.
Black sky, everything turn dark.
Rain like dog shit!!
I hate it.
It made my trousers all wet!!
Glad that I did bring out my umbrella!
But it was too small.
I still got wet!

I really don't like rainy day.
It turn down my mood too.
I was so glad that I can go shopping and relax.
But it rain!!! And red cloud!!!
At last, I went to some big mall!
Thanks God, I still can find nice pair of shoes, and pants!
I have new clothes for new job!!
Thanks God.

I really hope that my first day of new job will be nice!
I wish it would be a sunny day!
No Traffic Jam!
No accident!!
Must pray to god!

There are too many friends got marry or engage around me.
Although still have some just broke up with their lovers.
But I still wish that I can have a wonderful relationship too.
I am looking forward to find someone really love me,
and want to have a future with me.
Still waiting for it.
I know God will give me the BEST!!!

Must be a good girl!

Spent nine hours to study yesterday,
Thank God, at last I finished the first chapter of business law.
Really tough for me, because I didn't really study over 7 years.
And when I am still in secondary school,
I only concentrated to play and clubbing.
Now, I need to catch the chance and really upgrade myself.

Tonight, I must spend some time to study too.
Can't watch too much TV.
But I am afraid I will getting fat.
Because when I stressed and sleepy.
I need to eat a lot of snack to keep wake me up.
I ate a lot last night when I study until 2am.
This morning when I woke up,
I can still feel my stomach full of chips.
HAHAHAHAH!!!!
I can't stop myself to eat when I feel stressful.

I found out that a nice cartoon of Japanese.

You can find more episode in YouTube.
Really ugly drawing,
but I don't know,
I love cartoon.
It makes me feel relax.
It makes me forget my problems now.

So wish that someone can hug me now.
I really need some space to relax.

Unlimited time needed!!

Lack of time.
Although soon I will change to a new job,
which only work 5 and a half day.
But I still feel that not enough time to study.
Already reject to go out so much with friends.
But there's someone which I can't reject to go out with.
I want to cry when I know my first assignment is coming.
I want to cry because I still not yet finish my notes.
I want to cry because I am too stupid to remember all the summaries.
Yes, I know I am weak in time management.
I know I spend too many time to study other people's things.
I spend too many time to online and watch TV.
Already not enough sleep.
Only slept 4-5 hours everynight,
and have a lot of nightmare.
Always wake up at mid night with sweat.....

Too stress, I hope someone can understand me,
and no more put stress on me,
and stop occupy my time.
I really need more time to study.
I need time to do my own things.
God, please help me!!

Pray Lord!!

My angel's boyfriend's Mum was in a accident last night.
She got a car crash!! Still in the hospital now.
Poor that she was alone in the empty room,
because her family, son, husband are all at the oversea.
No one beside her, she need to stand for the painful alone.
I don't know her, but I feel sad too.
My angel feel sad too.
She said she treat her like her mum.
Because she so take care of my angel,
always dinner with her,
make soup for her.
Angel want to go to Aust to visit her,
but too bad she can't take a leave.
She cried. She depressed.
I don't know how to make her happy,
because I have a lot of things need to solve too.
I have too many shit beside me.
I really can't find out a single mintues to think of a joke.
All I can do is just sms her, and phone with her.
I will pray god too. Hope everything will be alright.

It was so scare to knew someone which knew you more than yourself.
What I am talking about is these few months,
I knew someone. He works with me, met me everyday.
These few weeks, we talk a lot.
He told me a lot of things about my character.
Unbelieveable, he seems knew me so much.
He can point out a lot of my ideas.
He can point out what I don't like to face with.
He can said out what I am avoiding with.
And he can told me why I am always the loser.
Very scare. I need to talk to him to know who I am.
I need to ask him what am I doing right now.
Isn't it so scare and horrible??
I don't know who I am and need someone tell me.
I don't know what I want and need someone show me.
I spend a lot of time with him these few days,
he older than me so much.
He told me a lot about his past too.
He taught me a lot. Seems like my pockets full of money now.
And at last, he ask me what do I want to get from him.
I was speechless. My mind so mess.
Thousand of idea pop up in my mind.
But I can't speak a word.
I still don't know what I want.
Then he said he need me to answer him when I know who I am, what I want.
Yes, this is the most biggest question I am facing now.
WHO AM I?? WHAT I WANT?? WHAT I NEED?? HOW TO DO???