I am confuse too...

Still have 29 days...
Things still not yet clear,
I looked at the sky when I am home,
counting down the rest of the days...
Deadline keep delay and delay..
I am giving you chance,
I am giving myself some more chance too.
What I am looking for?
I don't know too.
But glad that my cat is beside me.
The trees are still growing,
Moon still lighting up the sky,
Wind still blowing.
Everything seeems as usual...

Another drawing...

Today I heard a news..
a news that I didn't expect to be so fast...
but I should happy for her,
at least she will be happier than now,
she is luckier than me...

When I got back my office,
I suddenly wanted to draw something,
I have a idea...
Then I just drew out these 2 pictures.
Very simple drawing,
but sometimes simple is the best to describe...


Four Leaves grass..


People said that if you have a four leaves grass on hand,
you will be lucky for whole day,
get what you want,
as happy as you wish,
I hope I can have one.
I really want to be happy,
and have what I want,
what I need,
what I wish....



Waiting....



Human need love,
and we are asking for love everyday,
but what we deserve?
We are seeking for someone everyday, every moment,
but are we really succeed?
Are we really get what we deserve?
When chance come infront of you,
did you catch it?
When you lost a chance,
will you regret?
I always hesitate beside LOVE,
the one I love he don't even look at me,
the one I have no feeling but always accompany me when I need.
I stand infront of this heart shape stuff,
trying to understand the meaning of love,
trying to find out what I really want...
but it seems too difficuit for me to understand.
LOVE really too complicated for me.

From what I can see in this picture,
is only the moody sight of my back...

OK, I've got a method.

Just now, I scan all the interview, and pictures in the pc.
I don't want to keep those original copy at my home,
it really annoying to keep looking them.
After I scan all into my pc,
I will burn it out.
And then forever put it in my drawer.
I don't want to look at this,
until one day,
my grandson want to know about me.
Or my son want to know me.
If not, I will keep in my drawer forever.

What if the CD spoil and can't read in the future?
Nevermind, then I think is very good that I can really forget it,
God wants me to forget it,
hahahah!
Keeping OLD Newspaper at home really born many bugs.
I don't like this, I hate dirty!!

Maybe you will ask why not I just throw everything,
and not even scan in pc.
I don't know, I feel so confused.
It was my memories, it was my past,
although I don't really like this,
although I really hate it.
But it still my past,
it still eblongs to me,
I grow up from the past...
That's why I chose to avoid look at it,
but not realyl erase it everywhere...

Is it good method???
I don't know.
Maybe one day,
I will keep look at it again,
and admire how many things I did when I still young...

Memories~~

Starting to tidy my room,
throw out the rubbish,
throw the magazine.
I found out many pictures,
and magazine with my interview before.
Those photos when I am still a new face model,
photos when I am working somewhere...

I really feel sad when look at them,
although they gave me a way to this entertainment industry,
but I did cry many times within this preiod.
I also lost a lot of things with this job.

I have a lot of bad memories with it.
When I looked at the pictures,
I rememeber that how I hate the job before,
how hard feeling when someone force me to do something,
how sick when people keep ask me take some disgusting pictures.
I hate people to keep ask me obey them but with stupid reason.
I really want to forget all my past,
although if I don't have the past,
won't have the ME right now.

But I really dislike it,
can't say I am regreting,
just...
I feel so sad for what they force me to do..
Depress when I saw the ugly and sick pictures...
Miserable with the news, the interviews, the articles they wrote.

I want to have a brain eraser.
Eraser all my bad memories.
Eraser all sadness in my mind.
I hope I can just keep the best memories with me.

Soon will be Chinese New year,
and I am 25 already.
Time really goes so fast.
Already mid-20....
I know I need to be brave, and move on.
I really want to step out of my darkness shadow.
I want to be a new ME.
A ME which will be happy,
A ME which will admire everything I have,
A ME which will can decide my future,
A ME which won't let other convict my life,
A ME which will enjoy every moment.

Really want to say I LOVE YOU to all my best friends,
to all which use your heart to be my friend,
I really appreciate to have you all.
No one knows the future,
is unpredictable to know when will i die.
That's why I want to let you know I really treasure all of you right now.
I don't want to regret when I don't have the chance to say anymore.

I want to go for a vacation.

I always want to go for a backpack vacation.
No shopping, No 5 stars hotel,
No big dinner, No entertainment...
Just admire the sky and cloud,
walking and walking,
lay down on the grass,
read book under the sun,
switch off my mobile,
wear some normal clothes,
pick up a map,
and then start my adventure.

It maybe no need a big money,
I can find some cheap motel,
just keep sight seeing everyday,
enjoy a cup of Mocha in a small cafe.
Learn the culture,
feel the peaceful.

I wish I can study aboard,
then I can learn a lot of new things,
start a new life,
make new friends.

I don't want to go to shopping,
I just want to be relax...
But it seems really difficult for me to do this now.
I need to save for my backpack trip.
I need to save my holiday.
HAHAH,
maybe I need a partner to go with me,
but she must be a single,
I don't want to go with her boyfriend...

I really want to take many pictures for where I have been.
I enjoy a normal life now.
Don't ask about my family,
don't ask about my private things.
I am now, only a normal person.
A stupid princess that only want to have a happy life!!