It seems that I really should learn to be alone...

I kept wake up from bad dream,
kept Insomina everynight.
What's happening on me?
I totally reluctant to be alone,
but what else I can choose?
Force someone to meet me?
Froce someone to talk with me?
I slept 2-3 hours everyday,
yes, I am exhausted, but I don't feel sleepy.
I tried to have more tolerance to wait for.
I tried to pretend I am happy.
But I can feel that I am becoming reserved...
Keep silent all the time!!!

Sometimes, I feel really confused.
I don't like people being fake, but I seems being fake all the time.
I can smile anytime, even I am terrible sad at that moment.
I can always have a big smile in the photo,even I am taking photo with someone I hate!
I can always pretend so enthusiastic.
I can also pretend so satisified with everything.
But I just feel I am totally social isolation.

There are a lot of thing discourage me.
I started under control...
I can't control my mind, my feeling, my emotion,
Feel like I am crazy.
What the hell is going on???
Can anyone interpret to me?